(emo)Tion

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(emo)Tion

Postby ShadeC4 » Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:22 am

I'm so tired... May I die now please?
Why do I keep on fighting? What am I fighting for? Why is my desire to fight never satisfied?
Why am I always so empty...? What will fill me? Who...?

Daft Punk - Emotion
Last edited by ShadeC4 on Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: (Emo)tion

Postby Transypoo » Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:07 pm

Now I can't tell if this is a cry for help or a clever way to post a link... (also youtube don't work on the computer I'm on right now.)
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby ShadeC4 » Sun Sep 26, 2010 11:14 pm

It's neither. It's venting how I'm feeling. That's all this thread is gonna be, really. Got the idea on a whim to make a thread where I can just post however I'm feeling & such whenever I feel like doing it. No matter how incoherent it may all be. No matter... Anything on it, really.

Eh, bleh. It's not like I wanna chat with people about how I'm feeling all the time. Sometimes I just wanna do something artsy, sometimes I just wanna rant, sometimes I just wanna etc. etc. etc.

If others wanna do the same here so be it. If you wanna respond to things I type so be it. &, obviously, if you wanna make your own so be it. Just I wanted something where I could rant like this. & I wanted it here. Why? Because I wanted it here. :p
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Re: (Emo)tion

Postby Transypoo » Sun Sep 26, 2010 11:26 pm

Fair 'nuff.
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby ShadeC4 » Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:54 am

The rest of my response to this:

In all seriousness, though, it is fun to think back on the years. Especially for me as I'm more aware of myself now than I was when I started here. I may be such a mess now but I was so much worse back then... I really do miss TFDoc. I've been feeling a want for someone else around here who posts in any sort of regularity. TFDoc always used stop by frequently. Now his life barely ever permits it... He has his dream job though so not knocking it really. I hope relationship things are working well for him. He really deserves it.

Anyhow, yeah. I've often thought that my presence is what scares a lot of people away. There was Nami but things outside the Playhouse queered that. Am I about to leave though...? No. Even though I think that Mutate finds me annoying/full of s***/etc. & that Skids patronizes me because he thinks that "all I need is a friend."

I've often wanted the both of you to address my paranoid thoughts around you even though I'm not likely to change them. But there's a chance you all might be able to actually change my thinking. & that's what makes it so desirable to me... I've said it before just not sure if it was around here or not: I like being proven wrong.

*shrugs* Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe I'm partly right. Maybe... So many things. All I'm definite on is that I'd *really* like there to be someone else around here. So many new people brought in by all 3 of us but none have stayed. I'm the only 1 brought in by either of you 2 who's stayed.
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby Skids » Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:17 pm

Oops...well, don't worry, if I patronize anyone, I'm not actually putting any real thought into WHY. :smile: I tend to just...do...stuff, and then overanalyze it after it's come out of my mouth. Fortunately something I can keep a lid on when I need to, though.

Actually, I worry more about how my natural passive-aggressive tendencies come out when I post here... :smile2:

That Mutate guy, though, well, we all know I just laugh at his jokes to make him feel better. Run along, son, the grownups are talking...
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby Transypoo » Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:30 am

Humm... yeah. I guess you're right, people don't tend to stick around... but that's been true of the Playhouse since day one. There was Planeswalker who stuck around for a while. Drago, I think, use to post here... Grimlock666 (or whatever series of numbers he has after his name) posted, like, three times, then had a sobful farewell post. I don't know if you're scaring people off, but I think it's more WE're scaring people off, figuring our usual greetings involve guns and knives and explosives.

I will say that at first, Shade you were making me twitchy, but then I realized everything you were doing was exactly what I had done on other boards, so I had to kick myself for being a hypocrite. Becides, I think you've grown into the place, just as we have grown around you. Yes, there will always be a corner of my office with TFDoc's bed if my loyal pet returns. :smile:

It's always been a small group around here, and, I feel, that just the way it's always going to be.

As for Skids... Didn't I shoot you?
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby Skids » Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:06 am

I got better!

You won't believe the things I can do now!
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby ShadeC4 » Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:40 am

Yeah, I think it's just common place for me to be paranoid of you both. It's sort of part of the Playhouse as it is now. lol If it suddenly stopped it might feel less natural. But it's more likely we'd all get used to that too. I definitely do think that I'm as much a part of here now as you all are... If not moreso considering the way I tend to dominate the post count. :p Even after having my spam thread deleted I quickly regained the post count. O_o: I have around 1100 more posts than you guys right now... That's a lot of ground to make up considering how I almost always have something to say.

At least, though, I do go silent at times. Still log on just don't always post anything. I've actually missed out on a lot of Skids' edits to his posts. I noticed this sometimes when I go back & read old posts & notice that they're not how they were when I first read them. A short post is suddenly longer than my screen height. lol

Eh, I dunno... I'm not saying this place needs to have lotsa people. But it would be nice to have a 4th. & I also have thought that it is all 3 of us who drive posters off. There's not many people who seem capable of fitting into the mess of our 3 minds... & who also like Transformers. Buuuuuuut that's not such a major thing. With there being so many things we all like anyone really could fit in here. But they'd have to be able to cope with our brand of humor. So many people would misunderstand... Take offense, think we're just trolling them, etc.

There's prolly someone out there. & maybe 1 day they'll find their way here. Long as there keeps being some for of ad to this place out there people will discover it. ::3: The small sanctuary it is...
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby ShadeC4 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 6:05 pm

I'm afraid... But I'm not afraid.
I aint gonna go down again. I don't want to... I don't have to. I've made it through that, I've made it to here, now I just gotta keep pushing forward, keep plugging at it.
I'm not gonna go down again. No matter how much I might want to I won't. I'm afraid... But I aint.

Listening to: Eminem - Not Afraid
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby ShadeC4 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:49 am

All I wanna do is be rid of the demon - the beast inside me. I wanna let it out... Let it go. Be rid of it once & for all.
I'm so sick of falling apart... All cause of this thing inside me that keeps tearing it apart. I just want it gone... Want it out.
Is that so much to ask...?

So far love has been the only thing to make it go away... Can I ever do it on my own?
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby ShadeC4 » Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:41 pm

I've reshaped again & not noticed till recently.

Currently listening to: Angelspit - "Sleep Now"
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Re: (emo)Tion

Postby ShadeC4 » Tue Nov 30, 2010 6:22 pm

I have to stop pointlessly lashing out at people. Especially the ones I care about.
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